as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
