omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
