I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
