can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
