I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
