is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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