In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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