Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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