Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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