Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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