Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
