I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
