if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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