Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
