why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
