I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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