I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
