I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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