4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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