I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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