he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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