what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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