i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
