3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
