Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm always down for nudity.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
