So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
