but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
