On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
