I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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