Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
