I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
