And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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