would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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