This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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