Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
