Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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