There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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