Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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