she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
