im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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