I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
