you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
