dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
