Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
