idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
