I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
