i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
