So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
