Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
