He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Two words: blizzard sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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