The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think your dad took our porno
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
